I think it’s fair to say that dating has changed a lot over the years, but one thing that I can’t help but wonder is… why are coffee dates still trending?
On top of just flat-out not being romantic, there are seemingly infinite reasons why a coffee shop is not an ideal place for a date. From empty cups and bad lighting, to a lack of privacy, here are our top 5 reasons coffee shop dates are just… not dates.
1. Are you looking to go in for an interview or out on a date?
Is it just me, or does a coffee date always seem like an interview?
I’ve only been on a small handful of coffee dates, but at the end of each one, I felt like I had just handed in my application. A coffee shop tends to give off a more formal, more reserved vibe for a date – which tends not to be conducive to anything fun or exciting happening.
If you’re lucky, the coffee shop will have other people in it. They’ll most likely be on their laptops, taking work calls, or if you’re really lucky, working in groups and quietly talking amongst themselves. This is the best case scenario.
If you’re not lucky, the coffee shop will be empty except for one other person within earshot.
Either way, not exactly the most romantic vibe – or the most forgiving environment for spontaneous conversation.
It starts to feel like you’re in a “date cubicle.”
Whether or not the coffee shop is empty, if there’s not enough background noise, it may start to feel like everyone is eavesdropping – or at least, has the ability to eavesdrop – on your conversation. You dread the prospect of someone being able to tell it’s a first date, and thinking to themselves how awkward you are.
I can always tell.
And I always eavesdrop.
And it’s always awkward.
So maybe I’m just projecting… But what else do you do at a coffee shop in the middle of the day other than pretend to be productive?
2. What’s the dress code?
It’s the middle of the day (or worse – it’s a random time like 4:36 pm and there’s no one else in the coffee shop), so you’re either coming from somewhere or on your way to somewhere else. You can’t exactly show off your wardrobe.
But you really don’t want to look boring – which is hard enough as it is on a regular date, let alone a coffee date.
There’s something about going on a coffee date where getting “well-dressed” is just not as fluid as it is for night time or evening dates. Not to mention the added bonus of having low lighting during the evening which, admittingly, helps minimize that pimple you can’t seem to put enough concealer on.
3. What if you like espresso?
It’s quick. It’s efficient.
You knock it back in a couple sips so you won’t forget about it and find a mug sitting somewhere random in the house, long after the beverage has gotten cold.
But you can’t just sip an espresso for the entirety of how long you want the date to last.
And cold espresso tastes like dirt.
Not to mention, I hate cold coffee – even when it’s intentional.
Iced Coffee? Why?
Cold Brew? No thanks.
And anything “iced” is generally either mostly ice, or mostly milk.
This may be an unpopular opinion for cold beverage fans, but I strongly believe that coffee is supposed to be hot. I don’t care what the weather is like.
The only thing I hate more than cold coffee is coffee that was once supposed to be hot when it inevitably gets cold (or should I say, lukewarm) over the course of a coffee date.
And even if you do prefer a regular cup of Americano, you can’t just get another coffee if the date is going well and you want the conversation to continue. Not only does this feel disruptive, but can we just talk about the jitters and anxt after downing multiple espresso shots on a first date?
No thanks.
4. You’re too exposed
What if the conversation is so dull that everyone around you can hear how lame it is? Then, you overhear someone look at their partner and say “first date” and point to your table, and the lights aren’t dimmed at all.
You’re completely EXPOSED against the backdrop of the conditions of a NORMAL DAY and there’s absolutely NO MAGIC – despite how desperately you want to disappear. Or is it just me?
In any other traditional date spots; a bar, restaurant, venue, or anywhere with an ounce of ambiance, the lights would be low, and there would be a significant enough amount of background noise for the illusion of privacy – which can be essential for having a comfortable interaction with someone you’re just getting to know.
Additionally, awkward silences tend to be infinitely more excruciating in coffee shops.
5. There’s nowhere to go but home
Coffee dates generally have a definite beginning and end, whereas dates at night have the opportunity to open up to a wide range of possibilities.
If you’re meeting someone for coffee in the middle of the day, the conversation is likely to be middle-of-the-day conversation, like, “I have to walk my dog when I get home,” or “I need to go to the grocery store and pick up my prescription” – whereas evening conversation tends to be more playful and can lead to extended dates and statements like, “Want to grab another drink?” or, “I know this great gelato place around the corner,” or, “Let’s go dancing after dinner,” (… or, “want to come upstairs?”)
Conclusion:
First (or second or third or fourth) dates need a bit of additional mystique – whether it’s having to lean in to hear each other better in a bustling atmosphere, or just a little less fluorescent lighting, you’ll hopefully want the date to last longer than the 15 minutes (or less) it takes to drink a coffee.
What are your thoughts on coffee dates? Let us know in the comments below!